is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
