the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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