she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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