I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
