Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
