She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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