Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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