If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
