I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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