i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
