I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
