if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
