I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
