Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
