i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
