So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
