Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
