I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
did i walk over a car last night?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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