we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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