I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
