Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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