end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
