Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
