Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
