its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
