dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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