When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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