dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
