the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
