Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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