There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
