I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
