I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
