i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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