Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
