I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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