I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
