I looked at my own cervix.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
How does one acquire holy water?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
