Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I have peed in a lot of sinks
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
