I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
