"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
