Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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