oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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