my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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