so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
