She is in my trunk
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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