What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
