His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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