I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
