Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
