my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
