I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
