i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
