we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
