he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You took a bar mat shot.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
