apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Four minutes until I can fart!
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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