We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
