How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Girls should come with a carfax report
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
