life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
